


"If I could go back, I wouldn’t change anything."

by haato_biito



Series: -MEMORIA- [6]
Category: -MEMORIA- The World I Remember No Longer Exists
Genre: F/M, Guns, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original Work(s), Shooting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 17:04:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11317830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haato_biito/pseuds/haato_biito
Summary: He studied her eyes, overflowing with tears and beautifully steady. Sometimes he forgot that she was really there, and that this was not some everlasting dream. Sometimes he forgot that what she said came from within the most treasured parts of her heart, and not a trace of a lie could be felt. Yet it was moments like this, when they were in the intimate curtains of night, that he could not pull himself away from the depths of her irises, and everything suddenly felt very real.





	"If I could go back, I wouldn’t change anything."

**Author's Note:**

> This is an original work by me, [tumblr user asuuna](http://asuuna.tumblr.com), based around my OCS from a work-in-progress novel, [-MEMORIA-](http://kaitoandkiyomi.tumblr.com). This is a ficlet I wrote purely for my own enjoyment, and nothing here is representative of the canon story. If you want to find out more about my characters and the main plot, [please click here!~](http://kaitoandkiyomi.tumblr.com/summary)

Darkness. In every direction Kiyomi faced, only the swirling, heavy envelops of darkness pooled and weighed upon her. It would be impossible to even make out the path in front of her, if there was one, and so she was frozen in place.

Her heart raced in her throat. She trembled under the pressure.

Peering down at her hands as she held them up towards her line of sight, she caught the glimpse of something metallic as its burnish radiated from an unknown light source.

There was an heavy weight in her palms.

As her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she was able to understand the object that was clasped tightly in her fingers, she swallowed, suppressing the urge to scream.

It was a gun.

She pleaded so desperately with herself to drop the weapon. To let it fall to the ground and run far, far away. Yet something within her encouraged her to stay.

It was a sick curiosity.

Turning the object over in her hands, she ran a slender finger delicately along the barrel. It was cold and hard. It was unfeeling; but it just as easily caused feeling as a wave of anxiety washed over her.

Examining the intricate design along the gun’s grip, she finally put two and two together.

It was the same gun that almost ended everything.

A shot cracked like lightening through the space, and she jumped, yet she could not move. She heard the screams from that time reverberate through her ears, yet they were not her own. She felt the warmth of fresh blood as it splattered down her front, yet it did not belong to her. She listened as a voice told her to run, as metallic eyes softened and struggled to maintain consciousness, but she could not do so. Just like before, she was frozen in place, like a porcelain doll.

Once again, she was useless.

Was this real, or was it not? Was this a dream, or was it a memory? Kiyomi shook her head in despair, her breath caught in her throat and hands shaking uncontrollably.

“Please… No more. I can’t do this anymore.” She whimpered as tears streamed down her face, “Wasn’t once enough? Haven’t I already done enough?” A sob racked her chest, and she screamed, “I just want to be free!”

Bringing her hands up to the sides of her head and closing her eyes in an attempt to block out the scene in front of her, the gun fell from her grip.

Slowly, slowly, weaving through the thick, suffocating darkness, the weapon fell, turning and tumbling as it was pulled by gravity. Finally, the firearm hit the floor. The clang of metal against metal sounded throughout the room and hung in the air.

Everything stopped.

* * *

Kiyomi yelped in distress as she bolted up in bed, pulling the sheets closer to her body for comfort. She shook irrepressibly, a thin layer of sweat covering her body. Her eyes darted to the bedspread, but the gun was gone. She sighed jaggedly, noticing the blankets had become wet with tears.

A nightmare.

She felt movement next to her, but she could not pull her attention away from her hands; the way they clasped at the cool cotton as if it was her savior, turning white at the knuckles from the pressure as she slowly returned to reality.

She could still hear the shot, see the blood, feel the screams as they resonated deep within her heart. She tried to withstand the pain, but it was so hard. It was so, so hard; especially after fighting for so long.

Gingerly, arms wrapped around her delicate and unsteady form from behind, and she tried to soften into the embrace. However, the design of that gun still glowed deep in the embers of her mind, and the flame of it within her hands still burned.

She could not breathe.

“You’re okay. You’re okay.” A gentle voice reassured her, as roughened fingers caressed her smooth arms and a familiar warmth pressed into the crook of her neck, “It was only a bad dream. You’re awake now, Kiyomi.”

She clutched onto the salvation, pulling the figure into her.

“K-Kaito-kun…” she whispered painfully, “Are you really next to me?” He nodded into her shoulder.

“I’m right here, I promise. I let you go once, I’m not gonna do it again.” He stated firmly, holding her closer. Reducing his voice to a mere whisper, he asked, “You okay?”

Although she knew he could not see her, she shook her head, bringing her hands to the sides of her face as she felt the tears continue to fall. She was not worthy of having Kaito’s arms around her.

“I-It was the gun. The same gun.” She expressed, her voice shaking under the weight of her words, “A-And the same thing happened… to you… as that time.” His form froze at her words, as unwanted memories flooded back to him, too, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Kaito-kun.” She blubbered, “I’m so sorry…” But the shock was temporary, and Kaito began to stroke the silky, charcoal strands of her hair.

“You know it wasn’t your fault, Kiyomi.”

“B-But I held the gun.” She justified desperately.

“For your own sake.”

“Because of me, you became hurt!”

“You protected me. You saved my life.”

“I… I took someone else’s in exchange…”

“Don’t think about that. Don’t you dare think about that.” Kaito replied sternly, clutching the strands in his fingers.

“If only I was stronger. I could’ve stopped you from being shot.”

**_“If I could go back, I wouldn’t change anything.”_ **

The words resonated within her for many moments after they were uttered. At first, she did not quite understand the full significance of them. Yet slowly, slowly, the meaning came to her.

If given the chance, Kaito would have chosen to be nearly fatally wounded once again. If given the chance, Kaito would have once again taken the bullet that threatened to end Kiyomi’s own life.

If given the chance, he would have risked death just to know that she had lived.

Something deep and profound clutched at the strings of her heart, and she removed herself from Kaito’s arms. Turning around, she forcefully pulled him into an embrace.

“Please don’t say such frivolous things. Don’t ever think that we’ll have to go through that again.” She pleaded into his hair, her hand travelling down to the left side of his chest absently to glide along the scar over his heart, “I can’t lose you now. Not after everything that has happened to us.” She pulled away far enough to see his expression – surprised at the uncharacteristic harshness in her voice – and held his face in her hands, “I need you, Kaito-kun!” she told him, “I need you!”

He studied her eyes, overflowing with tears and beautifully steady. Sometimes he forgot that she was really there, and that this was not some everlasting dream. Sometimes he forgot that what she said came from within the most treasured parts of her heart, and not a trace of a lie could be felt. Yet it was moments like this, when they were in the intimate curtains of night, that he could not pull himself away from the depths of her irises, and everything suddenly felt very real.

He wrapped a hand around her waist, and could not help but let a small smile pull on his cheek as he assured her,

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Wherever you are, I will only be one step behind.” He felt the tips of his ears color, but he could not avert the power of her gaze, “As long as you promise to stay with me, too.” He reached his free hand up to delicately stroke the tear stains that lined her cheeks, “Man, you’re so beautiful.” He noted in a hushed tone. Her cheeks flushed, but she smiled serenely, holding his hand against her skin, “You okay now?” he added, and she nodded, closing her eyes calmly.

“I’m okay, because I know you will always be there.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by tumblr user [lisaxblckpnk](lisaxblckpnk.tumblr.com)! Thank you for the prompt! [The prompt list can be found here!~](http://asuuna.tumblr.com/post/162232047197)


End file.
